On the act of subverting the British nation
A few days ago I made a completely correct analysis of how the Schuko standard for power sockets and plugs, used on the continent of Europe, is superior to the British BS1363 standard.
Today I noticed the fruits of our hard work of trying to convert the British people to the fine uses and traditions of the people who live on the European continent. I saw a carton “Gezeefde Tomaten / Purée de Tomates” at a supermarket in Durham UK.
Just like how politics in Belgium work we have started applying the principle of divide and conqueror: instead of using their native language English, we are now sending them products with dual language branding and descriptions. Just like in our own country. This introduces doubt about their English identity. To divide you first need to generate fear and doubt (Am I really English? I’m not Welsh either? Maybe I’m Dutch? Maybe French!! Wouh!). Then you conqueror them by telling them, with a soft voice:
No no, you are Europe.
Works great! Just make them believe those Belgian “Purée de Tomates or Gezeefde Tomaten” are good. Once they grasped that, tell them: “but the tomatoes and the brand itself (Valfrutta) actually comes from Italy”. That’ll completely confuse them! Then relax them by softly putting your hand on their forehead and say: you are European, don’t be afraid child.
ps. Dear people who don’t live in Europe: this post is sarcasm, irony, a joke.
May 7th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
what I notice most is that its a reasonable price, unlike here in finland… :(
I miss dear old blighty.
May 7th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
That’s because the Pound is low these days, Karl ;-)
May 7th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Have you nothing better to do ?
May 7th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
I’m not Welsh either?
It’ll be a cold day in hell before I see “piwrî tomato” on a packet in Durham.
May 7th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Thomas, you do know that some Nordic places in Europe :), religion defines hell as being freezing cold, right?
May 7th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
I do, yes :) I decided my surname required me to research such matters.
May 7th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
> you are European,
Not yet. There’s about 7 and a half months to go…
May 8th, 2008 at 7:49 am
Well I can tell YOU’RE not British - what British person would put a disclaimer on their post to warn people about sarcasm? Until it needs no explanation that should be the total focus for cultural exchange…
May 8th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Here in Houston, Texas, US, it is not uncommon to find packaging in both English and Spanish, especially in parts of town where there are many Hispanic people. Very occasionally, you see French instead of or in addition to Spanish.
May 8th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Except that politics in Belgium is not ‘divide and conquer’… it’s just ‘divide and destroy’… But in the end, they will succeed. The northern politicians have created a situation that leads to the southern part wanting to get rid of the other. Instead of of introducing confusion about identity, it introduced a strongest identity and a rejection of others… Is that Europe ?
Sad country of ours…